On june 10, 2013 my life as i knew it was changed forever. For many years ive been working on me to become the best that i could be and no im not talking about the US Army lol! But a better human. However as with everything constancy becomes a key element.
The type of business im in by CHOICE!! requires me to worry about the way i look sometimes to the point of obsession.
Its a tough industry if your not like this or like that sometimes your just not good enough right! But to whom? Society or God!! Some may say oh just another girl turned christian or preaching life changing blah blah blah!! But it doesnt matter, because i know its true and i believe i have been saved.. And by that i mean ive learned to appreciate the life god gave me and all the little things it carries within. I share my personal story because i feel i want to deliver a message to the world, maybe someone needs an option a caring hand " It doesnt matter whats on the outside if the inside is empty. rise today to the challenge set before you. Know that each obstacle
represents a lesson to be learned. These are the moments, which shape who you are. You may choose to endure and overcome or stay without hope or change" YOU CHOOSE!!!
I was a very vain person and even though as any woman i wanted to look good, many times i took it overboard almost to the point of narcissism with my comments and demeanor. I learned the hard way that the surface is not always the most important thing.. like the old cliche "not everything that shines is gold ". I was selfish and wouldnt even consider the idea of children because of fear of my body changing or stretchmarks etc, yes its true ! sad but true!!! Many never commented on my horrible baby comments perhaps because they were saddened by my words and others agreed with my perspective and in those i found my support as if my mentality was the most dignified. How crazy life turns upside down!!
If you follow me you know ive been posting spiritual messages and messages of overcoming difficulty yet not really knowing whats happening!!Some think ive lost it lol !! Well like i said on june 10 i got some weird skin infection that started as a pimple looking thing and in a matter of two days it spread like a virus all over my body except for my face. There wasnt a spot on my body where i didnt have these lines and bumps and blister like rashes. what was it. At first they said i had scabies ? They are mites yes! Mites that burrow tunnels under your skin and its like a freaking egg cemetary under your skin!!! As if that wasnt scary and disgusting enough its a super contagious infection. Forcing me to be isolated from everyone. I found myself feeling like a lepar feeling self pity and asking myself "why me” How the hell does one get this?? does life have a vendetta against me ? It seems that for one right thing in my life three wrong things happen?? Its easy to get down when things dont go our way im sure someone has felt this way at some point in their lifetime!!! As if that wasnt enough i lost some projects i was working on because of my newfound disease which after many trips to specialists, they agreed they don't know what the hell happened to me!!I lost my confidence, i grew apart from my family, my marriage was in ruins, i couldnt work i had no money everything that could go wrong did, talk about MURPHYS LAW!! i cried myself to sleep at night, the pain the burning was almost unbearable and i was lost with noone. So i had a face to face with God.
I always had faith but not strong enough to believe in miracles or changes, i was half in hald out in the belief department. But what did i have to loose so i gave it a shot. I cried and desperately asked him to rescue me and help me see light in all this sudden darkness. I contemplated ending it all, i had in the past so why not again and maybe this time i wouldnt make mistakes!! the accusing voices in my head showed me all the worst: your ugly, you cant act or model now whos going to hire you looking like that, your skin is ruined and not precisely by babies there you go your biggest nightmare turned reality your precious stomach messed up indefinitely, give up your dreams, your alone, you have no friends, your marriage is done , just disappear. But there is hope and death is not a solution, thats a cowards way out!! and im NOT a coward!! i share not for pity or judging even though some may do so anyway, but thats life too!! you cant please everyone its exhausting this i also learned in my solitude. We all have a cross to carry and behind a face and all smiles there can be a story and we just dont know!!
Thats when i recieved a life changing call from a dear christian friend he gave me hope. He said i know someone that loves you and everything thats happening to you is
just a test. Then he invited me to his church. Im catholic and at first like many despite my messed up life status i made excuses i didnt think it could help but finally i agreed because my spirit needed food and healing, i had no answers and thousands of questions. Thats when i felt him.. God speak to me and we can all experience this change and his love if we believe .. If i didnt believe in a higher power before im a believer now!!! When i accepted christ and asked for forgiveness for all the things ive done and hurt ive caused myself and others. Things just changed in my life. As i write this, my eyes are filled with tears
because its almost miraculous how those blisters dried out, the projects i had seen gone forever reached out to me and despite my skin condition and appearance they worked with me!! they changed wardrobe all for me!! They still wanted me!! i now have income from many different sources. Flexible jobs that work around my schedule and my marriage was restored stronger than ever!! if thats not enough i even changed my mind about babies. Those who know me personally know i never liked motherhood not even an option. But somehow in me that maternal flame was ignited and in the near future who knows minnie me roaming the earth.. i value myself and even though life will always throw a curveball i now know i have a source that controls everything and everyone, im not alone. I can do all things through christ who is my strenght. i changed forever and i will never look back...
The moral is that sometimes we give so much importance to BS and stop living. We magnify our problems instead of diminishing them. We become obsessed with ourselves and self critical and beat ourselves down and forget that were not perfect and that no matter what we all have a purpose in life and its not up to us to decide when that purpose ends only to the almighty lord.. Prayer is powerul and our words create life or death its in the bible so i choose LIFE!! I am special and i dont need a hollywood title to make me feel loved and accepted just need to love me because im worth it like loreal lol ! My present situation. i still have dark spots dont know for how long. But i dont care because no dark spot is going to make me stray away or give up on that dream, im alive so i guess my purpose on this here called EARTH IS NOT FULFILLED!! GOD will work it out in this i TRUST!!!Bless you all and dont give up ever if you fall ten times get up 11!!